Forum IndexRegisterGamesSearchFAQBankMemberlistUsergroupsLog in
Women Proposing To Men - Yea or Nay?
Goto page 1, 2, 3  Next
 
Reply to topic    Afrocentric Online Forum Index » Soul II Soul View previous topic
View next topic

Women Proposing To Men - Yea or Nay?
Author Message
bb74



Joined14 Nov 2002
Posts64999
LocationDon't Worry About It
Bank4294967295
Bones127358.74 Bones

Post Women Proposing To Men - Yea or Nay? Reply with quote
I was listening to the RPMS today and that was the topic of discussion. A young lady wrote a letter to Russ outlining her situation. She'd been with this man for 2 years and they were committed to each other. She said that they were acting like a married couple, so she asked him to marry her. That was 3 weeks ago and she hadn't gotten a response. There were two trains of thought amongst the staff:

1) She should never have asked him to marry her in the first place. If he wanted to marry her, he would have asked.

2) There was nothing wrong with her asking if she wanted to be married. Women shouldn't only want to be traditional when it's beneficial to them.

The callers weren't evenly split in their opinions - I'd say it was about 60/40 siding with opinion #1. A few of those callers quoted the scripture "a man that findeth a wife findeth a good thing"...okay, yeah. But if the Bible hasn't been the guiding force in your relationship all along, don't pull that out to justify your position for this. Anywho, that's an aside. Which school of thought do you agree with - how do you feel about women proposing to men?
Fri May 16, 2008 2:24 pm View user's profile Find all posts by bb74 Send private message
MHC



Joined17 Jan 2002
Posts22860
LocationSomewhere quietly gaining power...
Bank4294967295
Bones999999999.99 Bones

Post Reply with quote
[color=darkred]Why shouldn't they?

Thing is, since this is a relatively new phenomena, then there is no "norm" to compare the 3 week wait to. The expectation is that a man would respond in the same way a woman would and in the same time frame. THAT is what may wind up being different about these situations. Men and women go about making life decisions in very different ways depending on the nature of the change being considered.

What I really want to know is this, though...

When she proposed, did she put a ring on his finger worth 2 months of her salary???[/color]
Fri May 16, 2008 2:31 pm View user's profile Find all posts by MHC Send private message
GlossyLips



Joined28 Aug 2006
Posts4309
Bank0
Bones54997.94 Bones

Post Reply with quote
not into that at all.
Fri May 16, 2008 2:31 pm View user's profile Find all posts by GlossyLips Send private message
bb74



Joined14 Nov 2002
Posts64999
LocationDon't Worry About It
Bank4294967295
Bones127358.74 Bones

Post Reply with quote
Don't know, MRHC...that wasn't in the letter. Quit trying to derail the thread before it gets started good! Laughing

I wouldn't ever propose to a man. Not ever.
Fri May 16, 2008 2:42 pm View user's profile Find all posts by bb74 Send private message
BishopTuTu



Joined17 Jan 2002
Posts43669
LocationMD
Bank4294967295
Bones86572.28 Bones

Post Reply with quote
I don't see anything wrong with proposing to a man. She asked and the fact that he still hasn't responded means he's not sure which means he shouldn't get married. Either she needs to accept that or just move on.
Fri May 16, 2008 2:55 pm View user's profile Find all posts by BishopTuTu Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address
MHC



Joined17 Jan 2002
Posts22860
LocationSomewhere quietly gaining power...
Bank4294967295
Bones999999999.99 Bones

Post Reply with quote
[quote="bb74"]Don't know, MRHC...that wasn't in the letter. Quit trying to derail the thread before it gets started good! Laughing

I wouldn't ever propose to a man. Not ever.[/quote]

[color=darkred]What you talkin' about, derail?

Hell...if you got proposed to and dude didn't put the rock on your finger, you mean that wouldn't figure into your decision? It's a relevant question!![/color]
Fri May 16, 2008 2:59 pm View user's profile Find all posts by MHC Send private message
Rock Star



Joined16 Nov 2004
Posts19420
Bank0
Bones58532.34 Bones

Post Reply with quote
As "new age" as I want to believe I am ... I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I would not ever propose to a man. Laughing I just won't be married. I feel like the chick in your story above is playing herself with that "it's just like we're married" crap. We aren't going to be "pretend" married ... which means we won't be shacking.

I've never lived with someone I was even dating before. For what? My parents got me "scared up" about that. I left for college and they told me that if and when I decided I was grown enough to live with a man, to never ask them for anything again (financial, etc). I don't need anything from them now but I was younger and every time I'd meet someone, in the back of my mind I'd be thinking if this fool was worth my lifeline getting cut off. Laughing Laughing Laughing

Nobody ever was.

And she's still waiting three weeks for this fool? Laughing

I came to a wild conclusion about a week ago. If someone is into you and wants to be with you and marry you, then they will do JUST that. It's not a quiz or a puzzle or a question of the day. If marriage is what she wants then she needs to think long and hard about her current situation.
Fri May 16, 2008 3:00 pm View user's profile Find all posts by Rock Star Send private message Send e-mail
bb74



Joined14 Nov 2002
Posts64999
LocationDon't Worry About It
Bank4294967295
Bones127358.74 Bones

Post Reply with quote
[quote="MrHardcandy"][quote="bb74"]Don't know, MRHC...that wasn't in the letter. Quit trying to derail the thread before it gets started good! Laughing

I wouldn't ever propose to a man. Not ever.[/quote]

[color=darkred]What you talkin' about, derail?

Hell...if you got proposed to and dude didn't put the rock on your finger, you mean that wouldn't figure into your decision? It's a relevant question!![/color][/quote]

No, it wouldn't figure into my decision...wouldn't matter. I hear tell that I'm somewhat of an anomaly, though. [i]*shrug*[/i]
Fri May 16, 2008 3:09 pm View user's profile Find all posts by bb74 Send private message
noirprncess



Joined27 Sep 2005
Posts18132
LocationNorthern NJ
Bank4294967295
Bones29117.66 Bones

Post Reply with quote
I don't have a problem with who proposes...in theory.

But this woman has bigger problems on her hand if the person just ignored her proposal and avoids discussing the issue. There are number of reasons that come to mind as to why he didn't say yes or no that have nothing to do with the fact that she proposed...

1) Is the man a traditionalist? If so, he might take offense to her usurping this traditional role & now he doesn't know how to act/respond.

2) She stole his thunder and he now has to rethink his plan.

3) He wasn't thinking about marriage and avoided the subject.
Fri May 16, 2008 3:25 pm View user's profile Find all posts by noirprncess Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Omega Phoenix



Joined17 Jan 2002
Posts28103
LocationIn the wilderness, being a Prophet of Rage
Bank4294967295
Bones48177.28 Bones

Post Re: Women Proposing To Men - Yea or Nay? Reply with quote
My thoughts:

[quote="bb74"]I was listening to the RPMS today and that was the topic of discussion. A young lady wrote a letter to Russ outlining her situation. She'd been with this man for 2 years and they were committed to each other. She said that they were acting like a married couple, so she asked him to marry her. That was 3 weeks ago and she hadn't gotten a response. There were two trains of thought amongst the staff:

1) She should never have asked him to marry her in the first place. If he wanted to marry her, he would have asked.[/quote]

That may or may not be true. My concern here is the time in which she hasn't gotten a response. I don't know, but 3 weeks doesn't sound like THAT long a time to wait for an answer for an answer on something as big as marriage. Of course, my question would be this: If a man proposed, is 3 weeks without an answer reasonable? I also don't get that she hadn't gotten a response... did she ask him, and he said "that's nice, now let me finish this mission on GTA IV"?

[quote]2) There was nothing wrong with her asking if she wanted to be married. Women shouldn't only want to be traditional when it's beneficial to them.

The callers weren't evenly split in their opinions - I'd say it was about 60/40 siding with opinion #1. A few of those callers quoted the scripture "a man that findeth a wife findeth a good thing"...okay, yeah. But if the Bible hasn't been the guiding force in your relationship all along, don't pull that out to justify your position for this. Anywho, that's an aside. Which school of thought do you agree with - how do you feel about women proposing to men?[/quote]

I have never had a problem with a woman wanting to propose or be the "pursuer" in a relationship. It doesn't conflict with anything that I believe in regards to "roles" that people should play. I don't want to get into my whole spiel about this again, but suffice it to say that I wouldn't have a problem with my girlfriend proposing to me.
Fri May 16, 2008 4:18 pm View user's profile Find all posts by Omega Phoenix Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
GoddessMade



Joined17 Jan 2002
Posts9578
LocationRhode Island - Home of MANY black people not just me
Bank4294967295
Bones25894.28 Bones

Post Reply with quote
proposing is stupid. whether or not to get married should be a joint discussion. it shouldnt be a surpise or something you wait for with *ahh* baited breath. even the concept of a man proposing or anyone proposing is outdated and stupid. if you want the relationship to be going in a certain direction, then there should be discussions about that, none of that waiting, hoping, bullshit. if you dont want to play house then dont. your thoughts on where a long term relationship should go, needs to be discussed. if the person you are with is not on the same page, deal or bounce.
Fri May 16, 2008 6:13 pm View user's profile Find all posts by GoddessMade Send private message Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
MHC



Joined17 Jan 2002
Posts22860
LocationSomewhere quietly gaining power...
Bank4294967295
Bones999999999.99 Bones

Post Reply with quote
[color=darkred]So GM...how long did you keep him locked in the room before the discussion produced it's desired result? [/color]Wink
Fri May 16, 2008 6:29 pm View user's profile Find all posts by MHC Send private message
bb74



Joined14 Nov 2002
Posts64999
LocationDon't Worry About It
Bank4294967295
Bones127358.74 Bones

Post Reply with quote
I agree that there should be discussion and everybody should know that's where you're headed...but there's nothing wrong with proposing. As long as the man is the one doing it. Laughing
Fri May 16, 2008 6:30 pm View user's profile Find all posts by bb74 Send private message
GoddessMade



Joined17 Jan 2002
Posts9578
LocationRhode Island - Home of MANY black people not just me
Bank4294967295
Bones25894.28 Bones

Post Reply with quote
[quote="MrHardcandy"][color=darkred]So GM...how long did you keep him locked in the room before the discussion produced it's desired result? [/color]Wink[/quote]

lmao, it kinda went like this.....we are laying in the bed.....he looks over at my pregnant belly and said "we gonna do dis or what? I said........i guess so, who we inviting? lmao.

but I told him from the beginning i wanted to get married and have kids..........well from the beginning of the time i decided i wanted to keep him cause before then we was just scrumpin
Fri May 16, 2008 6:33 pm View user's profile Find all posts by GoddessMade Send private message Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Omega Phoenix



Joined17 Jan 2002
Posts28103
LocationIn the wilderness, being a Prophet of Rage
Bank4294967295
Bones48177.28 Bones

Post Reply with quote
[quote="MyCherieAmour"]lmao, it kinda went like this.....we are laying in the bed.....he looks over at my pregnant belly and [b]said "we gonna do dis or what? [/b]I said........i guess so, who we inviting? lmao.

but I told him from the beginning i wanted to get married and have kids..........well from the beginning of the time i decided i wanted to keep him cause before then we was just scrumpin[/quote]

...that sounds like a proposal to me, co-written by Jagged Edge... LOL...
Fri May 16, 2008 6:36 pm View user's profile Find all posts by Omega Phoenix Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
noirprncess



Joined27 Sep 2005
Posts18132
LocationNorthern NJ
Bank4294967295
Bones29117.66 Bones

Post Reply with quote
[quote="bb74"]I agree that there should be discussion and everybody should know that's where you're headed...but there's nothing wrong with proposing. As long as the man is the one doing it. Laughing[/quote]

I, sooooo agree. The fact that she has no answer tells me there was no discussion before about it - other than perhaps one sided or said in passing.

I wasn't surprised when I got my proposal. We had already decided ahead of time where the relationship was heading. The proposal was the public formality to announce that private decision.
Fri May 16, 2008 6:39 pm View user's profile Find all posts by noirprncess Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Marz



Joined10 Jul 2003
Posts30659
Bank4294967295
Bones546240.93 Bones

Post Reply with quote
What difference does it really make honestly? People kill me with accepting tradition when it's convenient but are willing to deviate from it or step out and say, "maybe this should change".

I don't really see the difference because it's usually the woman naggin, "when you gonna marry me" anyways,lol. The guy just gets tired and says, "fuk it, maybe this will shut her up if I do the traditional thing".

PS: I know this doesn't apply to you perfect couples of AO. The world doesn't mirror your problemLESS relationships. I'm speaking for the mass populace.
Fri May 16, 2008 6:43 pm View user's profile Find all posts by Marz Send private message Send e-mail
bb74



Joined14 Nov 2002
Posts64999
LocationDon't Worry About It
Bank4294967295
Bones127358.74 Bones

Post Reply with quote
Shut up, Marz. Was that necessary?

Some traditional things are good...some not so much. This is one of those things that is good in my estimation.
Fri May 16, 2008 7:06 pm View user's profile Find all posts by bb74 Send private message
MHC



Joined17 Jan 2002
Posts22860
LocationSomewhere quietly gaining power...
Bank4294967295
Bones999999999.99 Bones

Post Reply with quote
[color=darkred]I guess bb...but really, what's the difference between "encouraging" a man to take the next step and just taking it there yourself?? Ego and pride, maybe? The fear of "putting yourself out there"?

I mean, is it any less of a rejection if you never get the proposal you've been angling for as opposed to making the proposal yourself and getting "No" for an answer?[/color] Confused
Fri May 16, 2008 7:10 pm View user's profile Find all posts by MHC Send private message
bb74



Joined14 Nov 2002
Posts64999
LocationDon't Worry About It
Bank4294967295
Bones127358.74 Bones

Post Reply with quote
I don't see the difference between encouraging a proposal & outright proposing. I'm not in favor of a woman doing either since it's not necessary. If a man wants you to be his wife, he'll ask without any prodding. If he needs prodding, well...maybe the woman should take a step back and evaluate a thing or two.
Fri May 16, 2008 7:13 pm View user's profile Find all posts by bb74 Send private message
Display posts from previous:    

Reply to topic    Afrocentric Online Forum Index » Soul II Soul All times are GMT + 1 Hour
Goto page 1, 2, 3  Next
Page 1 of 3

 
Jump to: 
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
Design by Freestyle XL / Flowers Online.